


beautiful rhythms

by extasiswings



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: (sort of), Co-Parenting, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, episode speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29287962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extasiswings/pseuds/extasiswings
Summary: “I’m confused,” Buck says slowly.  “Are you...mad at me?”“No.”  Eddie looks up at the ceiling and rakes a hand through his hair, messing it up even further.  The laugh that follows has an edge of disbelief.  “I’m in love with you.”[Or: Buck has a talk with Christopher.  Eddie comes to a realization about their relationship.]
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 62
Kudos: 929





	beautiful rhythms

**Author's Note:**

> In the process of trying to come up with exactly one (1) non-clown reason for why we're getting a 1:1 Buck and Christopher scene later in the season, my brain came up with "Buck telling Chris that he might have to be busy helping Maddie and Chim out with the new baby but that doesn't mean he doesn't love him" and then I had a mighty need. And also proceeded to clown anyway.

When Buck first asks if he can watch Christopher when Eddie goes grocery shopping that week because he has something to discuss with him, he’s leaning against the kitchen counter while Eddie washes the dishes, his heart in his throat and hands shoved into his pockets in an attempt to project calm. For his part though, Eddie barely reacts. Or, more specifically, his brow furrows slightly as he glances over in confusion for a quick moment before turning back to his task.

“Of course,” Eddie replies. “Did you think I would say no? You spend almost as much time with him as I do—you don’t need to ask my permission to have a one-on-one conversation.”

He glances over again. “Unless you’re trying to rope him into pranking me again,” he adds. “I should probably put my foot down with that.”

Buck laughs quietly and shakes his head, feeling the knot of anxiety in his chest loosen. “No, nothing like that.”

He doesn’t offer anything more specific, but then, Eddie doesn’t ask either, just shrugs as he fits another plate into the drying rack. 

“Then, yeah. Feel free. Saves me from having to ask anyone else anyway.”

And that’s it. The conversation shifts to the lighter topic of the likelihood that the man in the last call of the shift had been lying about how exactly he’d gotten stuck the way he had and it doesn’t come up again.

On Saturday, when Buck comes over again, the anxiety returns full force. And maybe it’s unreasonable because he knows that at the end of the day he’s not Christopher’s dad. He’s not Eddie. No matter what their relationship is like, Buck’s not a parent. But he feels that responsibility anyway, can still recall the crushing guilt of the lawsuit and being back in a grocery store— _Do you even know how much Christopher misses you?_ —

He doesn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

So, after a little while, he clears his throat and sits back in his chair across from where Chris is drawing at the kitchen table.

“Hey, buddy?”

Christopher doesn’t look up. “Yeah, Buck?”

“So, uh—you know how Maddie is having a baby?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Buck runs his hand through his hair, “I wanted to talk to you about that. Because babies are a lot of work and so she and Chim might need some help. And she’s my sister, so I want to be there for her if she needs it.”

The pencil stops scratching and Chris finally looks up. “When Aunt Sophia had the twins, Aunt Adri moved in with her for two months,” he says. “Like that?”

“Well, I don’t think I would move in,” Buck clarifies, some of the tension easing out of him. “But yeah. Kind of like that.”

“Okay.”

“So...so I might not be around here quite as much,” Buck adds, and then he’s pressing forward, leaning his elbows on the table as the dam breaks and words spill from his lips. “But I wanted—I just want you to know that you can call me whenever you want. And if you need me, I’ll come. I don’t—I know after the tsunami, I stopped coming around for awhile and I didn’t tell you first and that wasn’t fair. And I didn’t want to do that again, or make you think that you’ve done anything wrong or that I don’t care. Because I love you so much, okay? It’s just that Maddie might need me a little more for a few months.”

Christopher chews his lip for a minute as he considers that, and then nods.

“I can still call?”

“Every day if you want,” Buck assures. “And don’t let your dad say anything about you bothering me, because I promise it’s fine.”

“Okay.” Chris smiles. “I love you too, Buck. Can we have ice cream now?”

Buck laughs. “Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

And that’s it. Or at least, Buck thinks that’s it. Until he’s halfway through his first cup of coffee the next morning only to be interrupted by knocking on the door.

Eddie walks in the minute Buck opens the door, looking like he’s hardly slept. His hair is messy like he’s been running his hands through it and he hasn’t shaved—there’s a strange energy to him that makes Buck’s eyebrows shoot up as he slowly closes the door behind him.

“Hey,” he says, drawing the word out. “Everything okay?”

Eddie stops pacing. Opens his mouth. Closes it.

“I talked to Christopher last night,” he replies finally. “He told me what you two talked about.”

Buck’s stomach twists. “You said it was okay,” he points out. “But if I overstepped—”

“That’s not it,” Eddie interrupts. But he doesn’t elaborate, which doesn’t exactly clarify anything.

“Then…?” Buck crosses his arms over his chest. “Not that I mind you coming over unexpectedly—you know that’s fine—but I’m not sure what’s going on here.”

“Look, I—” Eddie clears his throat. “I’m careful. About who I let into Christopher’s life. Because Shannon, she wanted...a revolving door. Always open so she would have an out when things got hard but the option to walk back into his life when she felt like being his mother. And that wasn’t fair. And I never wanted to put him in that position again.”

Buck’s brow furrows. “I know. I’m trying—that’s why I wanted to talk to him. So he would know I wasn’t leaving. That if he needs me, I’ll be there. Eddie, I know I fucked up with the lawsuit, but I’m not going to again—”

“I know that,” Eddie interrupts. He blows out a breath. “I know. But I still thought—I was going to talk to Chris, you know. About everything. I just assumed...that it was a parent thing.” 

“I’m confused,” Buck says slowly. “Are you...mad at me?”

“No.” Eddie looks up at the ceiling and rakes a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. The laugh that follows has an edge of disbelief. “I’m in love with you.”

Buck feels almost like he’s been hit over the head with a frying pan. He can’t seem to make his mouth work, just blinks and stares. His throat is dry, his feet glued to the floor. 

“What?” He croaks out.

Eddie’s throat works as he swallows and Buck can’t quite help himself from tracking the movement.

“Chris told me what you said, and it made me think—made me realize—look, I haven’t dated,” Eddie says. “You know I haven’t. And a lot of that was because of my own shit, but it was also because of Chris, because I was worried about being able to be a partner to someone and also worried about having a partner to _parent_ with. But Chris and I talked last night and I realized that—that I’ve put you in that place in my life without even thinking about it. And that scared me, but also didn’t because you love him that much—”

“I do,” Buck replies. “I really do, Eddie—like he was mine.”

“That’s all I’ve wanted.” Eddie looks wrecked, like every word is being dragged out of him, like he can’t help it but isn’t sure whether he should be holding back instead. And Buck’s own heart clenches as he steps forward, wanting nothing more than to make that look go away. 

“All I wanted was for someone to love him like that. For someone to stay.”

“I’ll stay,” Buck says, closing the distance. Eddie’s eyes search his face. His hands reach out, then fall, aborting the motion as if he’s not sure he’s allowed.

“I’ll stay,” he repeats, and he reaches out since Eddie won’t, his hand fitting smoothly around Eddie’s waist. “For Chris. And for you. It’s not—it’s not just you, Eddie. God, I’ve been in love with you—”

Eddie cuts him off with a kiss. His hands fist in the front of Buck’s shirt, clearly past whatever paralysis had frozen him before. He kisses like he’s drowning and Buck is a life preserver, and Buck kisses back with everything in him, pressing Eddie against the wall. 

“I’ve been an idiot,” Eddie breathes out when they break apart. “I should have realized—” 

Buck shakes his head. “You have Chris. You’ve always put him first and you _should_. Whatever this is with us—there’s no rush. If you need to walk out of here and pretend this never happened—”

“I don’t,” Eddie replies. “I don’t want to forget or pretend anything—I may not know what the fuck I’m doing, but I know I want you.” 

Buck surges forward and kisses him again. “Okay. Okay, then—you have me. You have me.”

When Eddie smiles, it lights Buck up like sunlight.


End file.
